I think this blog post really resonates with me, and should resonate with a lot of people, because a lot of our way of socializing in this country is built to keep us in that lonely state.
Perhaps it's my own experiences with the feeling of loneliness that drives my thinking in this era, but I like that you honed in right away on the crafting of relationships as a means of pulling oneself out of a lonely state. Getting enough rest, and adequate nutrition and exercise are contributing factors, sure but health is much more than just your physical body being in good shape; one must guard one's mental health as well.
I think the older I get the worse I feel about all the time wasted pursuing things that did not feed my soul. Looking back upon all of the transient things that I chased and realizing that the best of those things I'd acquired were not even close to the most casual relationships and interactions I've built with acquaintances, friends, family and partners.
In these post-COVID times, I decided to deny my hermit-like nature, and take a gamble on two new relationships -- one of which was a partner who I'd parted ways from and decided to reconnect, and the other was a metamour in my Polycule. Both of those gambles have paid off in dividends I could not even have predicted and it has made a tremendous difference in how connected I feel to others.
Yeah, I think most of us wait for someone else to reach out or start a conversation. If everyone waits for someone else, then fewer and fewer people make connections. Thank you for your thoughtful comment. I really appreciate it.
Living in Japan has been very isolating, mainly because of that observation that there's something comforting about passing people on the street, overhearing conversations, or having brief interactions with strangers. The language barrier makes that much more difficult or impossible.
Of course, my social life has gotten especially dire because of the pandemic, too, but that seems to be a world-wide problem. Maybe it's cliche to say this, but the loneliness has really given me the opportunity to learn a lot about myself.
I feel really lucky that I live with my best friend, too, but two years into the pandemic, I need more outside socialization. I've noticed this happening with a lot of cohabitating couples, lately. People in good sheltering situations are now starting to feel the stress that many singles dealt with two years ago.
You're so sweet, Jenny, really. I can't remember you ever saying anything to me that caused me pain. I'm the same way, though. When I think about conversations, I spend all my time worrying about what I said wrong, not what the other person said.
I always feel like you and I are somehow magically sympatico, no matter how much time has passed. I think that's what probably makes a best friend? I don't really think in those terms, either.
On the podcast The Happiness Lab, they talk about the importance of doing your own thing in the same room as someone else. I think it's called parallel play or adjacent play.
Have you ever tried Shut up and Write? They do Zoom meetings where they write together. Obviously, it's not the same as being in the same room, but you might like it.
One of the things about isolation is that it is easy to think that you're only one who feels lonely or afraid to reach out. I think those feelings are very common, but we don't know it because we're all too afraid to reach out.
I'm so happy that you're on Substack now and that we get to have these interactions.
I think this blog post really resonates with me, and should resonate with a lot of people, because a lot of our way of socializing in this country is built to keep us in that lonely state.
Perhaps it's my own experiences with the feeling of loneliness that drives my thinking in this era, but I like that you honed in right away on the crafting of relationships as a means of pulling oneself out of a lonely state. Getting enough rest, and adequate nutrition and exercise are contributing factors, sure but health is much more than just your physical body being in good shape; one must guard one's mental health as well.
I think the older I get the worse I feel about all the time wasted pursuing things that did not feed my soul. Looking back upon all of the transient things that I chased and realizing that the best of those things I'd acquired were not even close to the most casual relationships and interactions I've built with acquaintances, friends, family and partners.
In these post-COVID times, I decided to deny my hermit-like nature, and take a gamble on two new relationships -- one of which was a partner who I'd parted ways from and decided to reconnect, and the other was a metamour in my Polycule. Both of those gambles have paid off in dividends I could not even have predicted and it has made a tremendous difference in how connected I feel to others.
Good post! I enjoyed this read too!
Yeah, I think most of us wait for someone else to reach out or start a conversation. If everyone waits for someone else, then fewer and fewer people make connections. Thank you for your thoughtful comment. I really appreciate it.
Finally! What a week. I saved this like the last slice of cake. Agreed, it's that wee spark of connection. Without it life gets very soggy. Mwah! ~LA
This comment is like unexpectedly getting the last piece of cake. Thank you so much!
Living in Japan has been very isolating, mainly because of that observation that there's something comforting about passing people on the street, overhearing conversations, or having brief interactions with strangers. The language barrier makes that much more difficult or impossible.
Of course, my social life has gotten especially dire because of the pandemic, too, but that seems to be a world-wide problem. Maybe it's cliche to say this, but the loneliness has really given me the opportunity to learn a lot about myself.
I feel really lucky that I live with my best friend, too, but two years into the pandemic, I need more outside socialization. I've noticed this happening with a lot of cohabitating couples, lately. People in good sheltering situations are now starting to feel the stress that many singles dealt with two years ago.
You're so sweet, Jenny, really. I can't remember you ever saying anything to me that caused me pain. I'm the same way, though. When I think about conversations, I spend all my time worrying about what I said wrong, not what the other person said.
I always feel like you and I are somehow magically sympatico, no matter how much time has passed. I think that's what probably makes a best friend? I don't really think in those terms, either.
On the podcast The Happiness Lab, they talk about the importance of doing your own thing in the same room as someone else. I think it's called parallel play or adjacent play.
Have you ever tried Shut up and Write? They do Zoom meetings where they write together. Obviously, it's not the same as being in the same room, but you might like it.
One of the things about isolation is that it is easy to think that you're only one who feels lonely or afraid to reach out. I think those feelings are very common, but we don't know it because we're all too afraid to reach out.
I'm so happy that you're on Substack now and that we get to have these interactions.