I really like the idea of the graded and ungraded self! They are the selves that want approval and don’t want approval. But there’s also defiance… and defiance is important. I was talking to a student once who was a really innovative musician and videographer, his work was amazing but a lot of the students in his class found it unsettling and didn’t respond the way he’d have hoped. So we were talking about audience response and what drives us to create, and how ultimately, it takes a bit of a “fuck you” attitude to be an artist. Not in the mean way. But in the way above of Jerry Seinfeld laughing at the young comedian’s worry and saying “it’s your life.” It’s my life, I’m driven by fascination to create, I put enormous work into this, I care — if others want to grade me on it, whether A+ or F- doesn’t matter because my answer is still that kinda not-mean “fuck you” — you don’t get to judge this. You can talk about it, do what you want with it, just don’t come to me like, “good job!” Because I already know what I’m worth.
Yeah, in Big Magic, Elizabeth Gilbert calls "creative entitlement" the "arrogance of belonging." It merely means that you're allowed to you have a voice and vision of your own.
I find your idea of defiance interesting. I'm not naturally a defiant person, so I've always struggled with the idea of being motivated by rebellion. It sounds like you find it almost insulting if someone compliments your work because you're not doing it for them? Is that the case or are you saying that you don't care about other people's assessments?
It’s not insulting, just not the point. Sometimes someone gets into something you created and they say stuff about it to you and you talk about it, but that’s not “good job.” “Good job” says I stand in judgment of you, and you pass. It may be meant benignly, but ultimately it’s not benign, which is what Alfie Kohn’s book is all about. Rewards, including praise, undermine the person rewarded / praised. There’s a big difference between engaging interactive feedback and judgment. :)
I'm of the 'If I ask you I'll listen to your critique' school. Which, of course, means if I haven't asked I seriously don't want to hear some picky-pants yadda from passersby. Guh, unsolicited picky-pants yadda is the worst. As always, my dear one, you have given me brain food. Thanks!
I feel like most of my self is in the unknown self category. I'm always surprising myself. When it comes to Maslow's Hierarchy, I feel like I'm the kind of person who was built for the higher tiers, but I'm stuck in a world that revolves around middle tiers. The result is that I always feel a little confused and out of place. Maybe you've had similar experiences. Although, the big lesson I've learned in the past few months is to not try to skip tiers, especially love and belonging. What a wonderful idea that joy in this life actually influences our afterlife. Based on my own experiences, I'd say this is completely true.
I really like the idea of the graded and ungraded self! They are the selves that want approval and don’t want approval. But there’s also defiance… and defiance is important. I was talking to a student once who was a really innovative musician and videographer, his work was amazing but a lot of the students in his class found it unsettling and didn’t respond the way he’d have hoped. So we were talking about audience response and what drives us to create, and how ultimately, it takes a bit of a “fuck you” attitude to be an artist. Not in the mean way. But in the way above of Jerry Seinfeld laughing at the young comedian’s worry and saying “it’s your life.” It’s my life, I’m driven by fascination to create, I put enormous work into this, I care — if others want to grade me on it, whether A+ or F- doesn’t matter because my answer is still that kinda not-mean “fuck you” — you don’t get to judge this. You can talk about it, do what you want with it, just don’t come to me like, “good job!” Because I already know what I’m worth.
I’ll link here to my piece on Alfie Kohn and Severance in case readers are interested — https://amyletter.substack.com/p/the-grim-barbarity-of-punish-and
Yeah, in Big Magic, Elizabeth Gilbert calls "creative entitlement" the "arrogance of belonging." It merely means that you're allowed to you have a voice and vision of your own.
I find your idea of defiance interesting. I'm not naturally a defiant person, so I've always struggled with the idea of being motivated by rebellion. It sounds like you find it almost insulting if someone compliments your work because you're not doing it for them? Is that the case or are you saying that you don't care about other people's assessments?
It’s not insulting, just not the point. Sometimes someone gets into something you created and they say stuff about it to you and you talk about it, but that’s not “good job.” “Good job” says I stand in judgment of you, and you pass. It may be meant benignly, but ultimately it’s not benign, which is what Alfie Kohn’s book is all about. Rewards, including praise, undermine the person rewarded / praised. There’s a big difference between engaging interactive feedback and judgment. :)
I see what you mean. Thanks for the clarification.
I'm of the 'If I ask you I'll listen to your critique' school. Which, of course, means if I haven't asked I seriously don't want to hear some picky-pants yadda from passersby. Guh, unsolicited picky-pants yadda is the worst. As always, my dear one, you have given me brain food. Thanks!
I'm so glad! I hope to hear soon about what your fed brain has to say.
I feel like most of my self is in the unknown self category. I'm always surprising myself. When it comes to Maslow's Hierarchy, I feel like I'm the kind of person who was built for the higher tiers, but I'm stuck in a world that revolves around middle tiers. The result is that I always feel a little confused and out of place. Maybe you've had similar experiences. Although, the big lesson I've learned in the past few months is to not try to skip tiers, especially love and belonging. What a wonderful idea that joy in this life actually influences our afterlife. Based on my own experiences, I'd say this is completely true.